Saturday Morning Ritual
by torchwoodtimelord
Summary: Dr. Sheldon Cooper has a strict routine for his Saturday mornings. What starts as a programming error turns into quite a surprise.


_**DISCLAIMER:**_  
><em><strong>Doctor Who ©®™1963-Present, BBC.<strong>_  
><em><strong>Big Bang Theory ©®™2007-Present, CBS.<strong>_  
><em><strong>They don't belong to me... sadly.<strong>_

* * *

><p><strong>SATURDAY MORNING RITUAL<strong>

Dr. Sheldon Cooper was sitting in his apartment. The hour was 6 AM. The day was Saturday. Dr. Cooper was doing the same thing he did every Saturday morning. Clad in his robe, he sat down on the couch. Not just any spot. HIS spot. The one place in the apartment where he could sit comfortably due to the perfect angle at which the couch was seated. He could watch the television, but also engage in the social situations regularly thrust upon him by his roommate, Leonard. This spot was also advantageous due to the circulation of the air. The couch, particularly the spot upon which Sheldon always seated himself, was the nexus at which all air flow met and thus dispersed once again to circumnavigate his abode. The single place where he was cool, but not uncomfortably so.

As with every Saturday morning, he seated himself here with a bowl of cereal.

This weekend ritual was, however, incomplete. When Dr. Cooper turned on the television at exactly 6 AM, tuned it to the appropriate channel, he found not the television show that completed this long held ritual. Instead, he was treated to an episode of Gordon Ramsay's **Kitchen Nightmares**.

The genius flew through the stages of grief rather quickly. In all of two minutes, in fact. However, he did not partake of the step that advised "acceptance". Instead, rather huffily, Dr. Sheldon Cooper stood up, his day now ruined indefinitely.

He declared aloud his intention to write a strongly worded e-mail describing in excruciating detail the significance of the network's error, and the remedy they must take to correct such a grievance.

He was just sitting down at his computer to compose such a scathing piece when he heard the strangest of sounds behind him.

Dr. Cooper looked over his shoulder to see what could be making such a wheezing, clanging racket, only to rise up in surprise. Surprise was followed a minute later with awe. This lasted a total of three seconds before he was feeling rather pleased with himself. Years of unwavering devotion to his favorite programme had now rewarded him with the proof he needed to legitimize his theories that time travel was not only possible, but had already been invented. Not only that, but the machine used to do such a thing was, in fact, the very same science fiction fabrication called a TARDIS.

The blue door swung open, and a head popped out. A bow tie around the man's neck, and a fez atop his head.

"I knew it!" the scientist exclaimed.

"Hello," the stranger poking out of the box said before stepping out completely. Sheldon tried to peer around him when he heard voices coming from inside. But the door was quickly closed. "I need to speak with Howard Wallowitz. Is he in?"

"No!" Sheldon snapped rather quickly. "This is not the home of Howard Wallowitz. Howard Wallowitz lives with his mother. However, I am far superior to-"

"Then you must be Sheldon Cooper!" the man said happily, then his face fell and his eyes narrowed suspiciously. "I've been warned about you."

Before the man could elaborate, and before Dr. Cooper could ask anything further, the door to his apartment opened. The scientist's roommate and their intelligence stunted neighbor Penny came in. Panic written all over both their faces. Their haphazard appearance told Sheldon the two had been engaged in that disgusting habit of coitus.

"We came as soon as we heard the noise!" Penny exclaimed.

Sheldon rolled his eyes. "I doubt you only _just_ heard."

Penny ignored him. Leonard came closer. "What's happened? Is the universe ending again? Are there Daleks hovering over Earth? I'll call Raj!"

"Actually..." the stranger started, but was cut off by Dr. Cooper.

"You mean to tell me you knew about this and you did not inform me, as per the roommate agreement? You are in strict violation of Article 39, subsection 5B, footnote 9 dash 00 point 1."

"Oh stuff it," Penny said, waving at him dismissively. "How's Amy? OOO! Did she and Rory make it to the wedding?"

Dr. Cooper continued to be part of the conversation, but was to his annoyance ignored.

The stranger grinned, adjusting his fez. "Happily married. Parents to a new baby that's a bit Time Lord. Long story, as usual. Actually, I'm here looking for that strange little friend of yours."

"Raj?"

"No no. The little perverted one that was flirting with the prime minister's daughters."

"Howard? What do you need him for?" Leonard asked as he hung up, not having reached Raj.

Sheldon had at last reached the point where he wanted, no, needed to regain control of his apartment. Just when he was about to impose himself upon them all, the blue door opened again and a Roman soldier poked his head out. "The Wallowitz 8000 Nanny Bot's got Melody and won't give her back. Poor girl's scared to death of the thing. She's wet herself!"

"And Amy?"

"Still locked in the icebox."

"Oh hey Rory!" Penny said cheerfully with a little wave.

"I told him that robot was a bad idea..." Leonard sighed, pushing past their guest and going inside the big blue box in the sitting room. "I'll program Howard's address into the computer..." he bemoaned as Sheldon lost sight of him.

The fez wearing man turned to Penny with a pleading grin. "Deal with Dr. Cooper for us, would you?"

"Same as last time?"

Sheldon's eyes went wide in horror. "There was a last time? When? Why don't I remember it?"

"Make it extra strength this time."

"You're not coming near me you harlot!"

Penny nodded. "I'm on it," she said cheerfully, barring the way as Sheldon tried to follow.

The door closed, and that amazing sound filled the room again. Once it was gone, Sheldon chased the blond neighbor away with his dazzling intellect. He locked the door behind her and sat in his spot on the couch, armed with a plastic replica of a light saber. Ready to strike should Penny come to do whatever deed she had been asked to do. He would never forget this momentous day. Never in a million years. He would wait for Leonard to return home, and then he would corner the big blue box and get the proof he needed to show that he was not as eccentric as his lesser associations believed him to be.

* * *

><p>One week passed, and Dr. Sheldon Cooper awoke on Saturday morning to put on his robe. He checked the time before going to the kitchen and fixing himself a bowl of cereal. After the bowl of cereal had been carefully measured out and prepared, he checked the time again. One minute later, he was sitting in his spot on the couch. Exactly one minute later than that he turned on the television and sat back some. Pleased with himself, and that his favorite television programme from the BBC was playing out before him, he took a bite of his breakfast as the opening credits played out.<p>

He was not happy with the sixth series opening that amounted to a short monologue about Amy Pond's imaginary friend, and reminded himself to write a strongly worded e-mail at the conclusion of the programme.

However... he never got to write that letter.

Hours later that Saturday, a week after the curious events that had whisked Dr. Cooper's roommate away, a big blue box appeared in the downstairs lobby of the apartment building where Dr. Cooper lived.

Penny had just come downstairs on her way to work when the box appeared, and the three men filed out. "Oh hey guys," she said cheerfully.

"How long were we gone?"

She shrugged. "About a week."

Howard panicked. "I've got to call mother..." He took out his phone and dialed as he left the lobby.

The man in the fez turned to Penny. "How's Dr. Cooper?"

She smiled, holding up the empty bottle labeled **Torchwood**. "Next time you run into that hunky captain friend, tell him I need a refill. Or else next time I'll have to crack Sheldon in the head with a bat and hope I give him amnesia."

Leonard laughed. "How long did it take to get him this time?"

"I couldn't sneak in and spike the milk until last night. Since it was a week, I had to use a big dose of the stuff." She checked her watch after dropping the handy little bottle into her handbag. "Oh no, I'm running late. Remember Leonard, don't touch the milk."

"Got it."

The fez man laughed. "Well, I'm off then. I'll try not to land her in your apartment next time."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "That's what you said the last 20 times you've done it. Keep it up and Sheldon's going to figure out he's the Master. Again."


End file.
